Today on the road I met Him:
The very same Jesus who trod
The old, old lanes and highways
On His beautiful errands for God

I was troubled and heart-sick and weary
With a load too heavy to bear;
I cried aloud in my weakness
And suddenly He was there,

His gentle hand on my shoulder
Was lifting the burden from me,
And He dried mt tears, and I knew Him,
It was Jesus of Galilee:

No different at all from the Master
On the Jericho road that day;
No different at all from the Saviour
Along the Samaria way,

And I am so glad that I met Him!
I knelt and called out his name,
And I am so grateful I found Him
Unchanged and forever the same

G.N. Crowell, Songs of Hope, 1938

In the classroom I am often vocal. Those who know me may find this a humorous understatement and it probably is. I feel no shame in suggesting alternative readings of texts which I have observed people use and enjoy bringing different theological traditions to a discussion. Yes, this makes me a bit of a swot but I kind of enjoy it. I like to challenge and to be challenged.

In the classroom, I will often answer direct questions and even interject where there is something I have in my mind which has not been addressed. I find the only way to reconcile the many competing ideas I have read is to discuss them.

People are impressed with me in the classroom. I even have awards to prove it. On the downside I have the envy of some of my friends…

This classroom persona I assume is confident, charismatic and cool-headed (I included the last one because I wanted to have three ‘c’s – truth be told I’m not very cool-headed whatsoever). This persona is also intimidating and threatening, never letting things lie, always having to strive for more. This persona has an insatiable appetite for success.

Outside of the classroom this person quickly evaporates. I lack confidence. I lack charisma. I am hot-headed. So that combination mean I get agitated at things and then d not ever say anything about them. I don’t challenge people and run a mile when someone tries to challenge me.

Outside the classroom I become a different person. I know how to function in the classroom. I know the rules, have the confidence to express ideas which I haven’t fully stretched out, relish in the experience.

A steady prayer of mine is that God would give me the strength and confidence to step into what he is calling me to do more often. Maybe that might mean showing grace and kindness to someone who may or may not be going through a hard time or calling to account someone who is clearly violating God’s standards. Usually, though, I walk away from opportunities to be myself.

I am confident to be an academic. I am ashamed to be myself. What’s up with that?

O LORD, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways. (Psalm 139:1-3)

In it, he discusses how those with attachment disorders hoard rubbish.

‘Often, the people lose their kids in order to maintain their hoarding lifestyle. The trash is more important. The numbness that hoarding offers is too enticing and you watch in shock as everything in life is given up so that a homeowner can crawl back inside a warm rubbish cocoon.’

Sin is often costly and like the hoarding disorder, often irrational. Hoarding pain, guilt, anxiety for many is a dangerous obsession. It packs the heart full of bitterness. As cliché as it sounds, ‘hurt people, hurt people’. To hoard guilt is to inflict that pain on others.

I am challenged by Jon’s prophetic words which indeed speak into my heart. Perhaps I should stop denying that I do it. That is, hoarding self-hate as if I’m making an investment into the ‘piety’ account. All I am really doing is dishing out pain to those who are close and warning off those who might want to come near.

Perhaps Jon’s words challenge what I believe about repentance and forgiveness. I totally believe the Lord transforms one’s social experience when one repents. Perhaps I have forgotten that the Lord also gave us things like thoughts, feelings, emotions which are also redeemed when he forgives us.

Have I been limiting the ways in which God’s forgiveness works? Trying to force some sort of humility, which is really false humility.

When I read Jon’s post, my immediate reaction was to contend with the idea.

“No, surly we must remember how wretched we are, and carry this burden to demonstrate how sorry we are for our sin”

But then, how is that forgiveness? Am I forgiven if I deny it in my heart? Am I not in fact rejecting forgiveness at the very core of my being?

But of course, self hate, anger, guilt. These are easy to conjure up. I’m not suggesting that forgiveness is about forgetting what we have done wrong. But perhaps it magnifies the wonderful gift when it begins to transform the innermost parts of our souls.

I am thankful to men like Mr. Acuff, who would have the courage to explore the parts of forgiveness I am too stubborn to address, too proud to admit to.

What is certain for me is that God seems to have thought this time to be the right time to challenge me on these issues. Stay tuned as I begin to work through that.

Bless the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits,
who forgives all your iniquity,
who heals all your diseases
(Psalm 103:2-3)

Travelling between London and Sheffield on a fast, modern, comfortable and convenient example of the latest railway technology, the Eternal seemed terrifyingly close to the Earthly. The journey was easy, everyone made it onto the train on time. No baggage was forgotten and we quickly found our seats. Settling down for a two hour journey after a tiresome few days, I certainly expected to be sleeping most of the way.

Muse lulled me to sleep for half an hour. Upon awakening I was struck by the snow that towered above us on the banks, either side of the track. Most frustrating, that now I lacked any mobile phone signal.

After making a comment as to how similar the scene was to Narnia – via a quip about wardrobes – I settled down again with Muse and the white view out the window.

A jolt. A shuddering. A bag falls from the rack above.

This isn’t normal.

Fearing. Praying. Worrying.

Shaking now. Burning smell. Smoke.

Terrified. Crying out. Panicking

Gravel flies past the window, I grip the seat. Am I to die today? I hope it doesn’t hurt.

A friend grabs my hand. We pray.

Train slows. Shaking stops. Prayer answered.

Saturday I didn’t die when my carriage derailed. Saturday I remembered that I am a fragile thing, a blade of grass easily trampled, a wisp of smoke carried away by the breeze.

What would my life have amounted to had I departed this world that day? What would Jesus say to me on the day I had to settle accounts with him. ‘Did you invest what I gave to you, did you see a great return on my money?’ What would I say? ‘No Lord, I was too busy screwing around.’

I didn’t deserve to live that day. I don’t deserve to live still. Yet it is grace which preserves me in a literal sense even right now.

Encountering the possibility of my fragile body snapping under tonnes of burning metal and earth brings into sharp focus that which matters. I’m glad that concern for the glory of God features prominently in those things which are important to me. I’m ashamed that I spectacularly fail at glorifying God most of the time.

Yet the Lord thought it good to grant me again that grace which sustains me, moment by moment, for his plan is grander than my ideas and his purpose transcends my theology. I remember once again that I am merely a man, made of dust here only for whatever it may pleasure the Lord to have me do.

Thanksgiving, I suppose, should be my heart-cry right now. Thanksgiving that the purpose to which I am called meant I didn’t die in a burning train wreck. Thanksgiving that God listens to little people like me, and saved me.

Time is short and the task is great. I pray that the Lord would show me his ways, in order that I could rightly bring glory to him. I pray to know the great mysterious plan in which I have a part. Pray to reflect his Eternal Deity in the daily affairs.

I’m probably going to fail at that, too.

It would be good for me to be reminded of my mortality more often.

As a part of my course I had the challenging privilege of spending time in the big city to see how Christians in that place had begun to live out their faith. What I saw was astonishing.

Astonishing to see the lives of young, black lads standing witness against the statistics of failure and crime which mark them. Astonishing to hear the drunks and users share stories of God over a greasy burger in a church hall. Astonishing to be in the presence of a man who would have such love as to start a church in the middle of this great urban collision of people.

Indeed this week has shaped me in many ways.

Of course I cannot make assumptions about the organisations I spent time with beyond what I saw, but for the sake of objective reflection I have to assume the projects I saw run in roughly the same way most of the time.

Yet I write this feeling somewhat… unfulfilled. Now I know the purpose of the course is not for me to feel fulfilled, but to my mind there was something lacking. Something important.

The course I was taking was called ‘Urban Evangelism’

Evangelism, as I would describe it, is summarised in the New Oxford American Dictionary:

The spreading of the Christian gospel by public preaching or personal witness.

The gospel, to my mind, is the Christian message of forgiveness of sins and restoration of creation through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. It is of great significance for those who are not Christian to know about and be shown Jesus that they might also come to believe in this gospel.

Yet much of what I saw in London did not directly witness to that gospel. In fact much of what I witnessed seemed to fit this definition:

Work carried out by trained personnel with the aim of alleviating the conditions of those in need of help or welfare.

That is known as social work.

So what I was really studying was Christian Social Work.

Now, I can see the inherent goodness of helping people. I can see the obvious transformation in the young men, in the users and in those who would would otherwise be excluded in the urban situation.

But I guess, for me, unless a person comes to know and be known by Jesus, their life is just as wasted as if they had become another anonymous grim statistic.

All the social improvements this world can afford can’t equate to the transformation of a person who comes to the Lord in repentance and submission.

The Apostle Paul said:

7 But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. 8 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ (Phil 3:7-8)

For Paul, there was nothing of more value and worth to knowing Christ. This I have seen to be true in my heart. I feel as though I have withheld the single most significant jewel that this earth cannot afford, kept for myself the costliest treasure from the Eternal Kingdom.

I have found the deepest satisfaction and most lasting joy in glorifying God through Christ. To make Jesus known is to know transcending peace.

And so to offer disadvantaged boys anything less than that is to rob them of God’s great gift. Worse still, to give these boys success in the eyes of world whilst not telling them about Jesus would be to subject their souls to the misery of selfishness and greed. The drab existence of the middle classes.

I want people to know Jesus and to find all their satisfaction and fulfilment in his great love. John Piper summarises:

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.

I don’t want to be a social worker, helping the poor to cope with the hand fate has dealt them. I want to be an Evangelist, inviting all people to come into the knowledge of their Maker through Jesus, being reconciled to one another in the community called ‘Church’.

I think being an Evangelist is going to be harder than being a Social Worker.

Marriage shows the perfect representation of the invisible God, as together man and woman are in his likeness. Similarly, those who are married can testify to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the mystery of his love for the Church.

So these words I want to bless those who are married and those who are on the way towards it.

May the Spirit of the Divine
Bind you to one another
With the ties of love and service
Obedience and honour
Which are good and right in the sight of God

May you learn together what it means to be human
Formed in the image of the Most Holy

May you bring honour to Jesus through your conduct and conscience
Glorifying our Risen Saviour
And baring witness to the great Lover
The Bridegroom who loves his people

May God be pleased to manifest his presence with you
And may he rejoice over you
His dear children

Amen

U for ‘Unconditional Election’

L for ‘Limited Atonement’

I for ‘Irresistible Grace’

P for ‘Perseverance of the Saints’

This week has been a challenge, somewhat. It has featured what, for me, have been deeply personal, theological struggles. Struggles over how the Church should relate to other religious faiths and I got the opportunity to observe ‘interfaith dialogue’ which was a less than fun experience.

Also, within the Christian camp I was on the receiving end of what was for me, destructive, heretical theology.

And on a personal level, I know this week I have really hurt people. Perhaps unintentionally, yet for that person the pain is still real.

In the midst of this confusion I have had the privilege of being in the company of two saints who are in a similar place. They have arrived at the point of beginning to explore ‘Reformed’ theology, otherwise caricatured as ‘Calvinism’, hence the reference to ‘tulip’, the five main points of Reformed doctrine.

Being in their company has been a great blessing. These are people who stand upon great conviction, far greater than mine, practicing what they believe and honestly seeking the Scriptures to hear the voice of the God they love, the God who has saved them.

Conviction which isn’t very popular in the Christian world I live in today. It’s trendy to be ambiguous, fashionable to doubt. It’s very tempting to become caught up in that world. Yet I believe the Lord is not a God of confusion but of order. Reflecting on my reading of the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Old Testament, I have come to understand God has displayed this through the way he carefully arranged creation, and beauty of his ordinances, the detail over the life of his people.

Engaging with the Bible, I come to the understanding that there is such a thing as right theology. Conversely, there is also wrong theology. It was wrong for the people of God to make a big gold calf and worship it, even though they called it ‘Yahweh’, which is the name God revealed to the people of Israel for himself.

Theology seems to exist to guard the identity of God from idolatry. For me, anyway, it’s purpose to ascribe God glory and reject those impostor-gods who would take glory from the Lord.

So all this trendy ambiguity over God, the world, the nature of truth, forgiveness, heaven and hell, the person and work of Christ and action of the Holy Spirit is to confuse what God seems to have made plain.

Yet what God has made plain isn’t that attractive. Crucifying his Son wasn’t appealing, and then to say ‘follow him’ is even worse.

God’s action in crucifying his Son tells me that his concern for this world is great, his desire to be known and made known is compelling. And how can the Church declare the knowledge of the glory of God if knowledge of God is confused to the point of destroying the community of believers, through destructive teachings, immoral practice and insincere mission efforts.

So what is to solve this dilemma? How should I seek to act and react in a Church with so much conflicting and contradictory thought and practice? This is something I do not know the answer to.

Yet the witness of the saints I have been in the presence of this week has challenged me towards Christ-likeness, modelling the truth I proclaim and defending it with firm gentleness.

I desperately hope that I do not become an instrument of destruction, but rather am an agent of unity for God’s community. I know many who subscribe to ‘Reformed’ doctrines than then go on to act exceptionally unlike Jesus to those who call upon his name.

I desperately hope God brings unity to the theological world, lowering our pride and prejudice and showing us again the truth of his glory and the grace of his presence.

May God be glorified.

‘Coffee is good all the time/all the time Coffee is good’

Thoughts?

This is her story.

As a younger woman, she was in hospital, ill, near death. Her husband was in the process of leaving her with three children to take care of. Her illness led to her becoming isolated, alone. After years of poor living, bad choices and hurting this woman, a struggling mother, she was left scared and desperate in the house.

Her husband threatened to take her children from her, as she was emotionally and mentally ruined. Veronica was a wreck of a person, and this is the wreck Jesus met.

One day when out of the house, accompanied by a nurse, a kind lady spoke to her. She asked, would you like for the minister to visit you?

“I’d like that” she replied
“Where is it that you live”
“I… I don’t know where I live”

The nurse confirmed this, and proceeded to give this kind lady Veronica’s address.

This brief… almost insignificant exchange was revolutionary.

The pastoral visit was straightforward. They came and shared the message of Jesus, that all our sins could be forgiven through him.

‘What, even me?”
“Most certainly, you can be accepted by God too, through Jesus”
“Well, it can’t mess my life up any more than it is already”

And with that, the Lord took Veronica by the hand, loving, guiding, comforting. She was baptised at a local church, and the Lord worked through her to see 37 more people baptised in the next 2 years.

A little old lady named Veronica spoke to me, a month after her husband had departed this world. Jesus Christ had become her treasure and her great reward. This woman, closer than I to the veil of eternity, knew what it meant to be captivated by Jesus in all things.

She blessed me in more ways than I could ever put into words here.

I sin every day, but today I was especially aware that I had committed sin, since it was a sin I know to be wrong. I was aware of the wrongness and evil of my actions throughout. Yet the action seemed so natural, so hard to not do. Everyone else does it, so why can’t I?

I wonder if this was the sentiment of the people of God at Mount Sinai.

God saved the people from slavery in Egypt. He brought them out with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Then he defeats the Egyptian army and leads them to Mount Sinai. God gave his people the law so they could live for him.

God comes and meets them at the mountain and delivers the 10 commandments (Previous reflections on). All the people hear God deliver these, and then Moses goes to receive the rest of the law.

But 40 days later. 6 weeks after agreeing to the Commandments, the people have already broken them:

When the people saw that Moses delayed to come down from the mountain, the people gathered themselves together to Aaron and said to him, ”Up, make us gods who shall go before us. As for this Moses, the man who brought us up out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.” So Aaron said to them, “Take off the rings of gold that are in the ears of your wives, your sons, and your daughters, and bring them to me.” So all the people took off the rings of gold that were in their ears and brought them to Aaron. And he received the gold from their hand and fashioned it with a graving tool and made a golden calf. And they said, ”These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt!” When Aaron saw this, he built an altar before it. And Aaron made proclamation and said, “Tomorrow shall be a feast to the LORD.” And they rose up early the next day and offered burnt offerings and brought peace offerings. And the people sat down to eat and drink and rose up to play. (Exodus 32:1-6)

Commandment number 2, specifically. The one which says ‘no’ to worshipping statues and ‘no’ to calling them God.

The question is, what is God going to do with that? This sin, this blatant wrongdoing. The people knew it was wrong, they had heard God himself say so!

This people, Israel, stand on the brink of destruction. They could be wiped out by God for their sin. He has every right to. But God promised he would give Israel the land he promised to his ancestors.

As long as Israel insist upon comparing their God, saviour, redeemer and lover with golden calves he cannot be with them. Otherwise he would destroy them. The plan to enter the land is to go ahead. That’s a promise, and God always delivers on the promises he makes. Almost in spite of their sin, the people are going to enter the land ‘flowing with milk and honey’.

But without God.

Israel has this crisis, heading towards the promised land.

they mourned, and no one put on his ornaments. For the LORD had said to Moses, “Say to the people of Israel, ‘You are a stiff-necked people; if for a single moment I should go up among you, I would consume you. So now take off your ornaments, that I may know what to do with you.’” Therefore the people of Israel stripped themselves of their ornaments, from Mount Horeb onward. (Exodus 34:4-6)

God is going to deliver on the promise of a land. That is certain. But it’s not about land.

It’s really about God. The Exodus, the law, the whole nation of Israel. It’s not about the and it’s not about what they get. It’s about God himself, alone, above all things and all other gods.

In the midst of Israel’s sin, God has been glorified.

Now, when I sin, I tend to struggle with 2 main thoughts:

1. I’m going to be punished for that sin and lose my salvation.
2. God will just ignore that sin and I can move on.

God did neither of these things. God disciplined the people but did not destroy them for their sin. He did not ignore their sin either. Sure, they got to go on to the Promised Land, but something changed.

The thought of entering the promised land was meaningless if God was not with them.

God glorifies himself in the midst of sin. Sin of the worst kind.

God redeemed Israel’s sin for his own purpose. He has shown that nothing competes with or compares to him. He has shown he is above anything humans could do against him.

So what does that mean for sinful me?

How does God show himself to be glorious in the face of my sin? How is God going to redeem the parts of me which are hurting? Which are evil?

Like Israel I am on my way to a Promised Land, or a Kingdom Coming. And like Israel I sinned, I got bored with God and preferred to worship an idol.

I believe that God does not ignore my sin, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent his Son to die for it. I also believe he won’t damn me to hell for my sin, otherwise he wouldn’t have sent his Son to die for it.

What does this look like? I’ll give you an example: A good friend of mine slept with a girl he wasn’t married to, and he confessed to this sin. He owned up to it and suffered the consequences. But in the midst of his sin he showed that God was glorious, and now he and I discuss the sexual sins we struggle with on a regular basis. God redeemed my friend’s sin so that he would be glorified as worthy of abstaining from sexual sin for.

I don’t know what your story might look like, but thats mine. I encourage you to look to God, and perceive his glory in your struggle. Perhaps your heart will echo that cry of Israel: Unless you are with me, God, there is no point in this journey.

May he be everything to you.