Finally Human Thoughts on being a person

7Apr/103

Singles don’t get touched

I'm going to be honest.

I usually am, anyway so that shouldn't come as a surprise. But when I flag up that I am going to be honest, what I really mean is 'this is something that really hurts me, so don't mock me for sharing'.

Singles don't get touched.

And it hurts.

If you're single, there is no one who constantly checks up on you, no one with whom to share hopes and fears and dreams and dreads. No one who rests their head on your shoulder or who puts their arm around you. No one to hold you and no one for you to hold.

It really hurts.

And when people don't touch me, it sort of makes me feel less than human.

That's all.

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14Jan/105

If I shall not be one with a woman, who shall I be one with?

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Gen 2:24)

I was created with the desire to be with a woman.

Adam, in the garden of Eden - even before sin seperated him from God - desired the company of another person. God heard this desire, and made for man a companion, like him yet different. Equally in God's image, yet not in the image of the man. She was woman. Different. Unique. The only one right for the man.

And so the Biblical theology of marriage is that it is a union that existed first in the perfect presence of God.

Marriage, the union of man and woman for life, was the climax of the creation. You can see this, because it was the last act before sin entered the Garden. Humans most fully reflect the nature of God in this union.

So then it is natural for man to desire woman.

He comes pre-loaded with all these desires and feelings he wants to share with a woman.

He comes with a space ready in his spirit that the woman can fill.

I was created with the desire to be with a woman.

I have this space in my spirit for a woman to fill.

I am pre-loaded with desires and feelings I want to share with a woman.

Yet as it is, and as it may be for many years, I am single.

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14Jan/101

Singleness and Intimacy

This evening I had a fantastic conversation with a friend about my family and the ways I struggle being single

The issues were unresolved, but it was a blessing to know that the other person really cared and wanted to know.

Singleness does not mean I can't be close to other people.

In God, all things are possible. Even living life single.

And here, in God's kingdom, are the power and resources to do life for God's glory.

Even in all the struggles and hurts and joys and smiles, God is more satisfying.

Today I experienced that as reality.

I hope God makes it happen more.

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26Dec/090

Singleness, Discipleship and the story of God

At the moment I'm reading a really interesting book, 'Resident Aliens' by Stanley Hauerwas and William H. Willimon. This book is full of fantastic wisdom and provoking thoughts for Christians living in countries like mine where the Church has ceased to have a moral majority in society.

One specific passage really challenged me:

If our society has lost good reasons for getting married and having children, we appear even more so to have lost good reasons for staying single. About the best we can muster, in regard to staying single, is that we do not want to be "tied down," or we want "to keep our options open." Yet for those who are on the adventure called discipleship, singleness becomes a sign that the church lives by hope rather than biological heirs, that brothers and sisters come not through natural generation but through baptism, that the future of the world and the significance of our future is ultimately up to God rather than us. The telos, the end, gives meaning to our choices. Ultimately there is for us only one good reason to get married or to stay single, namely, that this has something to do with our discipleship. (Page 66)

Now, if you're still here, some reflection.

I suppose I am guilty of regarding singleness for the kingdom of God in rather the same way I would regard it in relation to a career: So I can be better at what I do. In the way someone might stay single to devote time to a job, I thought I would remain single in order to devote time to Church.

Though this does not seem to be the case.

God does not need me to remain single in order to devote more time to his Church. Frankly, he doesn't need me to do anything for his Church. It is his body which I have the privilege of being a part of.

Then, if I am called to singleness in my journey of discipleship - my journey of becoming more like Christ, perhaps the way in which God is moulding me is to be a beacon of faith, faith that the Church exists by faith and not by procreation.

Now, thats not to say those who marry are not saying that, and marriage is discussed very helpfully in the book. Marriage is the faith that in God's kingdom, it is safe and reasonable to become intimate with one person for your whole life, when the world would have us become strangers.

Marriage demonstrates to me that true, intimate community can exist because of God. Then I am single to demonstrate that this community exists by faith and obedience.

This book is a great challenge to stop engaging the world on the worlds terms (Liberal, Conservative, Secular, Religious...) and to start engaging with God in his redeeming story, reflecting his character and shining his glory.

Peace.

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24Dec/090

A Discontented Prayer

Dear Lord.

I want to be found.

I want to be discovered.

I want to be known.

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8Dec/093

Young, free and single #1

This is the first of an occasional series as I reflect on what it means for me to be available to God.

Living in the community I do, Cliff College, there are several amusing quirks. The food, the heating, the paper-thin walls. And the phenomenon of 'cliff couples.'

One couple hold the record for fastest marriage, meeting in September and being married by the next year. Many of my friends don't seem to be too far behind! Much celebrating, excitement, anticipation as these, my dear friends, head into committed relationships which likely will result in marriage.

But if I am called to be single, for a time, then I imagine that God wants me to not become part of a 'Cliff couple.'

Why?

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30Nov/092

Single: for God's sake

Today I had a conversation with a wise man at the College. I was talking to him about some of the stuff that was really bothering me, sharing the hurts.

Specifically, I was being open about how sometimes I feel a bit forgotten, especially now all my friends seem to be meeting their life-partners right now. I concluded that it's a bit pathetic of me to try and compete with my friends future spouses for their attention!

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Welcome

I am Finally Human

Here I like to write things that are real for me. Things which hurt and heal, things of joy and sorrow and heaven and hell.

Here I write the stuff of faith which is painful and hard. I write about the nagging doubt in my heart and the glimmer of hope in the corner of my mind.

I write to glorify God and be real with him.

Maybe some of my words will be real for you, too.

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