God doesn’t do ‘ordinary’
Yesterday I was driving down the Shepton Mallat for a youth conference. Soul Survivor is one of the largest Christian youth conferences in the country with something near 25,000 young people attending one of three conferences back to back. I was driving down representing Scripture Union to promote their devotional and bible study resources.
The trip takes around three hours, non-stop. Mumford & Sons were my musical accompaniment. Sigh No More is a great album, which everyone needs to own. The trip was going well (I hadn’t lost the other car of the convoy) when we stopped for coffee (Which we definitely didn’t organise via text message when behind the wheel). I was very depressed by my cup - they charged me £1.19 for a cup of Nescafé instant coffee!
So we pulled away from the service station and continued towards the next roundabout.
Then I noticed it.
Possibly Related Posts:
- Eyes of Faith #1
- Prayer
- A God I don’t fully trust
- The pursuit of God
- Ode to Christchurch or my first sermon online
Green Day Gospel
Green Day are pretty much my favourite band. No, I'm not fifteen but that was when I first started to like them. The hit album, American Idiot, was released when I was growing up. I can still sing it ll the way through, more or less word-for word.
At that age, I realise now, that God had begun to awaken my heart to himself. That is, I met Jesus and we started to do life together. If you, like me, did not grow up in a Christian family, walking into the Church and becoming a part of God's people is a little weird. Or a lot weird. Being fifteen and having God walk into my life was pretty confusing. On top of the whole adolescence thing, Jesus had invited me to follow him, though I had no idea what that looked like or even meant!
But I gave it a stab. I bought a Christian CD. I didn't even like the CD. But it was sort a blind stumble towards working out what Christianity meant. Maybe it meant I listened to different music? If that was the case, I wasn't going to be very good at Christianity.
No, the CD I listened to in the dark age before I owned an iPod was American Idiot by Green Day. I'd like to say that my taste was more varied than that, but when you only owned a Sony Walkman disk player, your choices were somewhat limited. The American Idiot CD took up permanent residence in my CD player. That's not strictly true - I swapped it for that awful Christian CD when I went to Church. And when I need to feel extra-holy. Funny how the young mind works.
Green Day was the soundtrack to my teenage years. I tried to pretend it wasn't. I was sort of embarrassed, especially around Christians. You see, to my mind - and in some of theirs - Christians shouldn't listen to rock music with swearing, drug references and anger and all that. But when I was doing my paper round, and I'd had a hard week of school (I might one day talk about school, but not for a long time yet) and I was so angry and upset, there was no part of me that wanted to listen to someone with a perfect smile and a perfect, acne free, complexion sing softly on acoustic guitar about how great Jesus is/was. Every part of me wanted to hear the annoying, whining voice of Billy-Joe, the deep Bass sound of Mike Dirnt and the thumping drums of Tré Cool. They played backing music to my heart.
Of course, when it came to getting 'serious' with God, I'd put on a different CD and pretend like I enjoyed it. I didn't.
Possibly Related Posts:
- Eyes of Faith #1
- Prayer
- God doesn’t do ‘ordinary’
- The pursuit of God
- Ode to Christchurch or my first sermon online
Cracked
Someone really hurt me, recently. At the moment I don't think I'm going to speak to that person again. They hurt me pretty bad.
And I hurt them, too.
My hurt-ness overspilled like burning lava and scalded them. The bitterness and hate, anger and frustration spread like a viral infection. I was hurting so much, that I hurt someone else. And that person hurt me.
I don't even know who was in the wrong. I only remember the shouting and the anger. Was it my hurt-ness which caused it, or theirs? As much as the things which have wounded me have caused me to act in the way I often do, I think the other person has been wounded by their past, too. Everyone has a scar, right?
Mine shows when I project my self-hatred onto other things/institutions/people/ideas.
And sometimes, that hurts people, especially those who really like those things/institutions/people/ideas.
Because the distaste I feel for something is proportional to the measure to which that thing is like me, and how much I hate myself in that way. The things which are most like the bits of me I hate, I tend to feel distaste towards. In this way, I project my self-hatred.
I wonder why?
I love how the Bible seems to have the words to fit:
The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately sick;who can understand it?(Jeremiah 17:9)
Heal me, O LORD, and I shall be healed;save me, and I shall be saved, (Jeremiah 17:14)
God's the one who fixes this. He's the one who mends broken people and removes the hurt of the human heart. As much as I wish myself well, as much as I hope that I will change, I think I have to agree with the prophet - God is the one I'm gonna call out to. The sickness of the human heart - the sickness of my heart - isn't going to disappear. It's going to hurt others.
For me, everything is a matter of faith - that is, concerned with my relationship to God. The fact that I hurt someone is to do with how well I know God, and how closely I am walking with him. Walking with God impacts our existence, reorientates the human heart to the things God wants. In those I see who walk closely with the Lord, their inclination is to do good for others and to love them. My heart's inclination is usually not as pure as this.
And it shows, when someone is yelling at your with tears in their eyes. The sickness of my heart is mirrored in angry sobs.
I can see - in those terrifying, horrific moments - the depths of depravity to which my heart is disposed. The heart is deceitful and sick, and God is the one who heals and saves. One day, I know I will be able to look and see that the wounds in my heart have been repaired, when I stop projecting my self-hatred and loathing to the extent where it becomes a disgusting offense to other people.
This progression in the spiritual life, I know, will overspill and there will be hope, faith and love pouring out of me. But I think I need a lot of grace until that time.
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,whose trust is the LORD.He is like a tree planted by water,that sends out its roots by the stream,and does not fear when heat comes,for its leaves remain green,and is not anxious in the year of drought,for it does not cease to bear fruit.”(Jeremiah 17:7-8)
Possibly Related Posts:
- Church like McDonalds
- The Church’s best kept secret
- Ian the cross-cultural missionary
- Over the pond
- What would you #tweetjesus
Her Name was Veronica
Today I met an elderly lady at a church I was preaching at.
This is her story.
As a younger woman, she was in hospital, ill, near death. Her husband was in the process of leaving her with three children to take care of. Her illness led to her becoming isolated, alone. After years of poor living, bad choices and hurting this woman, a struggling mother, she was left scared and desperate in the house.
Her husband threatened to take her children from her, as she was emotionally and mentally ruined. Veronica was a wreck of a person, and this is the wreck Jesus met.
One day when out of the house, accompanied by a nurse, a kind lady spoke to her. She asked, would you like for the minister to visit you?
"I'd like that" she replied
"Where is it that you live"
"I... I don't know where I live"
The nurse confirmed this, and proceeded to give this kind lady Veronica's address.
This brief... almost insignificant exchange was revolutionary.
The pastoral visit was straightforward. They came and shared the message of Jesus, that all our sins could be forgiven through him.
'What, even me?"
"Most certainly, you can be accepted by God too, through Jesus"
"Well, it can't mess my life up any more than it is already"
And with that, the Lord took Veronica by the hand, loving, guiding, comforting. She was baptised at a local church, and the Lord worked through her to see 37 more people baptised in the next 2 years.
A little old lady named Veronica spoke to me, a month after her husband had departed this world. Jesus Christ had become her treasure and her great reward. This woman, closer than I to the veil of eternity, knew what it meant to be captivated by Jesus in all things.
She blessed me in more ways than I could ever put into words here.
Possibly Related Posts:
- Church like McDonalds
- The Church’s best kept secret
- Ian the cross-cultural missionary
- Over the pond
- What would you #tweetjesus
My testimony (Or how I came to be where I am)
For those who missed it first time:
I was never a popular kid at school. I can distinctly remember always feeling like an outcast, like I didn't belong. As an 11 year old kid, secondary school is a scary place. For a variety of reasons I was never with the 'in' crowd. In fact I think I was the 'out' crowd of my peer group. Needless to say I didn't enjoy school much. Just to get a feel for what school was like for me, I can remember being beaten, naked on the floor of the changing rooms at school.
I did not grow up in any form of church environment and so my knowledge of God is limited.
Possibly Related Posts:
Welcome
What's new?
Recent Comments
- Lorna
on Eyes of Faith #1
- Alex
on Church like McDonalds
- Amy S.
on Ian the cross-cultural missionary
- Sally
on Ian the cross-cultural missionary
- LeAnn
on Ian the cross-cultural missionary
Eyes of Faith participants
Blogroll
- 22 Words
- Alex Taylor
- Ali Johnson
- Amanda Booth
- Bx Belshaw
- Desiring God
- Hannah James
- JR Woodward
- Patrick Malone
- Stuff Christian Like
- Wild Goose Hunter
- XXXChurch